Chapter 4 of Lex's Latest Great Plan
As usual, Lex had a great plan and it was ruined by forces beyond his control. Lex had just finished constructing the final Robot making a complete set of 5. His contacts in New York had assured him that they could definitely get them into Rockefeller Plaza for the weekend of November 15th 1997. Thats when things started to unravel for our beloved anti-hero. Lex was livid, he immediately ordered his tough but stupid sidekick - Crackhead Bob - to kidnap Lorne Micheals and take him posthaste to the torture chamber. Letting his henchmen do the dirty work, Lex avoided the actual torture, but after 36 hours of being alone with Crackhead Lorne was ready to talk to Lex. At first he kept insisting "YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE" and "I dont even like MARIAH". Our anti-hero would quickly respond "I AM Insane, YOU are the one that ruined plans for World Domination and the demise of Superman" then he quickly degraded into a rant regarding the cost of all the robots he had to build. When he did talk the producer gave up Mariah's brother Jim Carrey and Bob was immediately sent to persuade him to
join Lex. Personally I had no idea Mariah and Jim were related. While Bob was out rounding up brothers Lex was alleged to have said "Dont worry Mr Mxyptlk we will get to the bottom of this OUTRAGE and you may unleash your evil magic on this decaying urban nightmare". Unfortunately he was by himself when this happened so there is no confirmation. Finally Crackhead called his boss to report "I gots da Jim Carrey, dat Mariah chik's broder boss an I'll be joinin ya in da lair and not ta worry coz hes in da cool, sweet kinda place wherez da coppers wont spot him, ya cause he said he'd just wait in da trunk" While confused Lex knew better than to question his longtime sidekick.
"While light crackles shadows that dance on the ceiling, a sound tells me that evil forces have once again dropped into the depths of the caverns where all the real work is done. The sound is Jim shouting Wellllll Alllrrrrightyyy Then! It is an interesting phenomenon that this is confusing Crackhead thus making him madder. So I sit by my fire letting evil do what it must while I ponder existence. For I dipped into the future ; As far as the human eye could see ; A wonder did surround it ; because everyone was free"
Acting on a tip from his California associate Xena the Princess Warrior Lex had indeed uncovered a
large conspiracy directed at LexCorp by the highest levels of NBC Management. First their was the SNL debacle which was a serious blow to Lex's longterm plans and then a bogus poll by NBC was used to ferret out Lex's associates. Using some new alleged up and coming Rap singer named Mase they encouraged Matchbox 20 fans to vote while capturing their locations. It was all a clever scheme in which Matchbox was predetermined to lose thus frustrating Lex's associates and making Lex seem less of an ideal leader. Lex was not fooled however, as this Mase had only 1 website which he shared with his puffy father. This led Lex to the correct conclusion that Mase's fans couldn't be smart enough to use the net (unlike the many faithful Matchbox 20 fans). Upon further investigation Lex found that Mase was a ruse to pass encoded messages between NBC affiliates. The following Message was intercepted. "We have knowledge of Lex and MB20 robots - he must be stopped.
Warn Clark and take appropriate measures. This time lets catch him red-handed." This infuriated Lex and he immediately stepped up his efforts to find the person behind this treachery. Meanwhile, Bob had been busy he had kidnapped Mariah's other brother Drew.
Drew only lasted 24 hours before he slipped into a massive diatribe of bad jokes. Lex knew this could be used to his advantage and he took Drew Carey back to Hollywood for The Tonight Show on NBC. The other captures had given all the information neccesary to get to the root of the problem - Mariah's Husband - Tommy Mottola. After torturing Lorne Michaels, Jim Carrey, Drew Carey and Tommy Mottola, Lex uncovered the whole truth. MB20 were originally booked on SNL with guest Host Bill Murray, because he would have no other band. Then the hidden messages were traced to Jerry Seinfeld. After hearing of Lex's plans for Clark Kent he called NBC and insisted they book his step-sister Claire Danes as the Host to spoil Lex's scheme. They flew Claire in from Thailand just for this one show(and Mariah is on the Sony Label - coincidence?). Jerry knew she would want Mariah on and not MB20. It seems that Claire has always had a thing for Mariah. Mariah's husband
Tommy has been trying to pressure her into a 3-way so he agreed to the booking without Mariah's knowledge in hopes of something else. Lex has promised that Tommy now regrets this and definitely wont be having any fun for quite some time. Lex's nephew Jake did the dirty work but dont worry he enjoyed it. So while Lex's plans were destroyed, justice was served. The only question left was how did Jerry find out and as expected Bob was to blame. It seems that when Bob hooked up with his New York drug connection, Jerry was there making a purchase for Kramer. After hearing Bob talk about the arrangements for SNL he immediately sent word via (I bet you already guesed this) NBC to none other than Superman himself. In return the Man of Steel will be doing an AMEX commercial with Jerry on Super Sunday in January. A second attempt was made at the Letterman appearance, unfortunately the only one who wanted to rub Rob's tummy for good luck was Paul Schaeffer. The Daily Planet staff had been banned from the building and so Lex was foiled once again.
If you actually read all of this I hope you will find the time to tell me what you think. Did you like the writing or the pictures best or did the whole thing suck. Lex needs to know before he can put another great plan into action across this playground we affectionately call "The Net". So, please sign my Guestbook (If it works?). Tell me what you think by clicking here
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