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"The Love Lady" ©
An Astrological Advice Column
on Love and Relationships by
Professional Astrologer and Qualified Therapist
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Sue is a professional astrologer, who will need your full birth data to determine your unique horoscope chart. Sending just the "Sun Sign" of you and your partner is not enough to let Sue do a proper horoscope analysis before offering you her astrological advice on family, friendship, marriage, or romantic relationships. Please use a "pen name" in your letter to Sue, if you wish, to protect your privacy if your letter is published here. Sue can also do a private horoscope reading for you by email, through the address below.
Learn about each sign's sexual and romantic desires! See Astro Loves.
Thanks for providing this service to those of us in need of love advice I am greatly appreciative.
I have been dating Connie for two months now, and I have never felt this way about a human soul before. When I would hear people say that when you find "the one" you will know, now I know what they meant. We both feel like we are still dreaming because it still seams unreal that we found each other and think alike on many levels.
My concern is that I will fall for this girl and get hurt in the end; because from what I have read our zodiac signs aren't the greatest match. I guess if I knew in advance I wouldn't be so hurt if we didn't last together.
Thanks and Kind Regards
Paul (born 3rd January, 1971)
Sun sign "matching" is VERY basic astrology and, as with so many other complex disciplines, when you simplify it to this degree, it is extremely misleading. Misleading to the degree (in my opinion!) where it should be completely ignored!
You are quite right in thinking that careful Capricorn, ruled by Saturn, is miles away from party-loving Sagittarius, ruled by Jupiter. BUT your Sag girlfriend has her Sun aspecting Saturn, which takes her much nearer to your Capricorn. You also have the Moon in Aries, which is in good aspect to her Sun; and your Mars and Venus in Scorpio are in the same sign as her Moon.
Your Neptune is also conjunct her Sun - hence the romantic haze you are both enjoying!
There is no reason why this relationship should not be a good one; but I am a little bothered by your fear of being hurt, which your horoscope indicates is likely to make you run away from emotional commitment. Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes we get hurt. This is part of the risk you take when you get into a relationship. Being in love is the most wonderful thing; but the intensity of it makes you vulnerable and it does expose you to pain. Most people think the pleasure is worth the risk.
It would be a very sterile existence to go through life without experiencing love; and your Connie has a moon placement which is generally very constant once it makes up its mind. Try not to let fear make you nervous - and remember that she is taking as much of a risk as you are!
[Paul, you might find it helpful to read the article on "Love Without Fear" at: http://www.AstrologyZine.com/love-without-fear.shtml. - Michael Star, Publisher.]
I am writing to ask you what lessons I have to learn regarding love and relationships. As you can see, I have nothing but squares to my Venus in Gemini in the 12th house. Love and love relationships have been so extremely painful that I am very discouraged and disgusted. Is there a karmic lesson in this? What do I have to be most careful of, before embarking on a relationship? Should I just remain single?
Maggie (born 1st August, 1969)
Your Venus is not the happiest I have seen, but this certainly does not mean you cannot have a good relationship. With Venus in the 12th House, it is often easier if you can deflect some of the personal difficulty by using it to relate in impersonal situations such as a workplace. Many Social Workers have this placement, as it tends to make you feel connected to all the cares in the world - and with your Pisces Moon this will be intensified.
I think your problem with personal relationships is caused to some extent by your own sensitivity. Your Venus/Pluto square makes you need intensity in relationship, which makes you come on stronger than you probably realise. Other people may not always be quite ready for this; and this makes you feel rejected.
You have the Sun squaring Saturn, which indicates low self confidence. You may sound assertive, and tend to lash out as a means of defence; but this just pushes people away - causing exactly the opposite response to the one you really need.
You have a lot of energy which needs to be directed into something which soothes your soul - something that you find spiritually satisfying - this will start to make you feel valued and engage your considerable passions in a positive way. I think this means helping others in some way, and it could start with studying some philosophy new to you. You do not have an easy horoscope, but if you direct it wisely there is no reason why the relationships should not fall into place. Try not to feel resentful and hurt, because that will just make you withdraw into your shell. Use your passion to make someone else's life better. What goes around, comes around!
Letters from last week 1:
I've been with my girlfriend for almost 21 months, and we both love each other very much. She is 19 and I am 20. Just recently, the day before our 21 month anniversary, she told me that she needs some time to herself and that we should go out with other people. What does this mean? I couldn't understand why she wanted to do something like this. This is the longest relationship that both of us have ever had, and we both have even thought of spending the rest of our lives together.
I treated her like a queen, always putting her before myself. She assured me that she would just be going out with guys as friends and that she isn't interested in anybody. This was kind of tough on me, because I care about her so much, and it hurts me that we're not together. Another thing is that it seems that she's acting like nothing ever happened. I'm taking this really hard, and she seems fine. Could you please help me out, because this is really turning my world upside-down.
Andrew (born 30th October, 1981)
What is happening is that your girlfriend has transiting Uranus exactly opposing her Moon. The Moon signifies emotions and Uranus signifies freedom; so she just doesn't want to be tied down or emotionally dependent on anyone just now. She has a Leo Moon, and normally treating her like a queen would make her very happy; but at the moment it feels like a trap, and the more intense you are, the more she is likely to back off.
This transit goes on for most of this year, and is followed by Neptune squaring her Sun. She is unlikely to know what she really wants for quite a long time; which may involve you being far more patient than suits you.
She also hates to hurt other peoples' feelings, and if she DID want to end the relationship she would find it very difficult to come straight out and say so.
You are a very romantic and passionate man, and in 2004 those passions are going to be engaged in a way you have not yet experienced. Now then, it MAY be that, at this time, she makes up her mind and you get married and live happily ever after - but on the other hand, it could be that you meet someone else who makes you wonder what ever you saw in her. Personally, I would go for the second option; but which ever way it goes, it will turn out all right in the end.
You will be just fine. Wait and see.
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I could sure use some direction to go in this mess! I don't understand. Please help if you can.
I met Bert in 1992. I sure did feel like we were soul-mates, since we had quite a few interests that were similiar. And our childhoods were ones where we both felt so alone in this world.
When we first met, his mother had a dream, and she was sure I was the one for her son; and we got along very well. That all changed when I got pregnant. She wouldn't speak to me, or respond to my letters, etc. She told Bert mean things about me, that maybe it wasn't his child; and finally she gave him an ultimatum that if he chose me and the baby that he would no longer be welcome at his 'family' home.
Well, it ended up that he left for a job in another state in 1993 when I was 7 months pregnant. I heard from him via phone for another three weeks - then nothing. I went back to college to make a better life for me and my daughter, and the years passed - then lo and behold, in 2000 I hear from him again. He had married a girl and they have two children, but he was planning on divorcing her.
I let my daughter meet him. I fell in love with him all over again. He said he wanted to be with me, get married, etc.
Now this is the part I don't understand. He moved back to his parents' home without asking me, and wanted me to move there. Well, after the two of us being separated another year, I moved with our daughter to be with him. It worked for four months, but he was still a mama's boy. His mother was mean to me and our daughter, making us both very miserable. So I felt I had to leave, and now we are back home without him.
I still love him very much, but I truly believe this man will never be able to live his own life unless he's far away from his mother. Why do I still feel so connected to this man? I'm having such a hard time really believing that we and I are truly 'over'. I feel like I should wait for him, that something's going to happen and he will wake up and come to us (which he should've done in the first place). Any advice or direction?
Dawn (born 8th August, 1964)
You have, as you thought, very close connections with Bert. You gave me precise birthtimes and your Ascendants are exactly the same. In theory, this should be a very good relationship, and I think the clue to all this lies in your statement that you both felt very alone in childhood - and in the relationship he has with his mother.
The person's chart I would like to compare with Bert's is his mother's, which you did not give me. I suspect that she is jealous of the closeness she sensed he had with you, because both times you have broken up, she has been instrumental in this happening.
Now, Bert has his Moon aspecting both Saturn and Venus, and this is not easy for his relationships with women. He has a Sagittarius Moon (as well as Sun) which likes a great deal of freedom; and the position of Saturn would indicate that he feels that women (starting with his mother) are cold and controlling. BUT at least you know what you are getting. Venus/Moon aspects in men almost always cause problems because they have generally felt their mothers as rather too sexual for comfort. Not all men with these aspects will have the problems that yours does with his mother, however - because the mother can affect her son by the way she interacts with him; i.e. by her behaviour she can increase or lessen the effect of the expectations shown on his birthchart. In this case his mother has shown what appears to be almost sexual jealousy AND been very controlling; so she has played out his Moon/Saturn/Venus aspects in the worst possible way, with you (and him) as the loser.
I think you are right. The only hope for you is to get him away from her permanently, and this will not be easy. He is, at present, having a Pluto transit to his Moon, which is transforming his emotions; and, if you are lucky, it may change how he perceives his mother. Literally this transit is a 'death' of emotions, but after death comes renewal and new life. It would be nice to think that this new life would include you; but that might mean you being to some extent a replacement mother for him - and I am not at all sure that this would suit you! In five years time, Pluto will transit his Sun and this will very likely complete his growing up process - but he really needs to be aware of the undercurrents that are going on in his life if there is any hope of him changing.
I think you need to do some serious talking, without recriminations. You should not be competing with his mother, and you might start by asking him why he insists that you do!
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(If you have used Sue's old email address at aol.com which is no longer functioning, your letter may have been lost in cyberspace. Please re-send it to the permanent address of SueArmitage101@aol.com above.)
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- the country you live in now (add province or state, and city if you wish)
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- the date (1-31), month (in letters), and year of BIRTH; plus the town, state or province, and country of BIRTH (these are required)
- if possible, state the time of birth as read on local clocks - the hour and minute, plus Am or Pm (exact time is helpful for more accuracy and detail, but not required).
- the nearest large city to your place of birth (please give the English spelling of your birth town and the nearest large city).
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Updated January 01 2006 01:00 EDT.(c)1998-2006 by Sue Armitage, Author
(c)1998-2006 by Michael Star, Publisher
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