WRITER

I never thought I'd be writing an ode to you
after all those Big Macs
But it's just before nine o'clock on January 27, 1998 and I gave up nude
swimming just to hear your State of The Union address (I didn't really want
to go anyway)
I hope you're lying
I hope you did have sex with them all, every single girl with big teeth and big
hair
The same as every mother in America, I look at you quite differently now
Now you're a pervert, like me
And there are all sorts of wonderful homosexual things about you like
a) your arrangement with your wife
b) the fact that you think oral sex isn't adultery and
c) that you don't look fifty
O send those girls to Washington
In the past, they might just have become dry Republican husks of women,
withering like William Inge schoolteachers, on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial
Instead they run to you, hair uncombed by a summer breeze, having forgotten
to wear underwear to that particular White House event
Just remember Judy Holliday was fucking Bill Holden, in Born Yesterday,
and that was much more important than wearing glasses and learning The
Declaration of Independence
No, it  was some sort of declaration
And Monica Lewinsky was an ugly fat girl
Until just a few months before she fucked a president 
and she discovered (somehow, on her own) that she was  free, white trash,
and twenty one
To some it's exploitation and depravity
And me, well I will never forget the moment when, at some public function,
you swept her into your arms and she was all breathless and horny
Like some young man
You see where it all connects
It's all about a kind of expectation, that sometimes encompasses uncertainty
and a kind of difficulty in not touching that which is offered, in admiration
and bewilderment and danger and urgency and fear
And love

WHY CATHY LEE GIFFORD IS JUST LIKE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

She's mean
She's greedy
She's very very pretty
And of course she's a lying hypocrite
And of course she's on TV every morning
And just like America, Cathy Lee Gifford is a drag queen
And what's a drag queen?
Well someone who just can't stop drawing attention to how pretty they are I
mean Cathy Lee everytime she moves her legs or bats an eye or touches her
hair she reminds you, in that subtle way she has of how beautiful she is and
yes okay so she IS beautiful but more than that each gesture says I'm
beautiful, so beautiful, and that I'm barely, just barely conscious of it,
and on top of that I'm intelligent (questionable) and vicious. I can be
vicious. If I have to, I can defend myself against anything and I'll still
be beautiful, oooh I'm just stamping my little high heels right now and
removing a stray lock of hair with my long long dangerous fingernails yes I
can stand up for what I believe and be glamorous too
And I believe in America (which means myself) Cathy Lee Gifford
And I believe in fidelity and marriage and love (and all the other lies)
And even when you find my husbands fat hairy wrinkly old dick up some
forty-five year old Exercise Queen in a hotel I can pull my life back
together and lie
Like drag queens and the United States of America I can lie
I can exploit Latina women in sweat shops and then I can appear with
President Clinton and I can lie
And you will love me, Cathy Lee Gifford
You will
But most of all, you will watch me on TV
Because that's the way mornings are;
Inescapable, the beginning of all that treachery and drudgery and then
there's me, being more beautiful than you'll ever be
Look at me
I'm Cathy Lee
I'm some kind of an achievement